These Words

In the last few days of October, I impulsively decided to begin writing again.

Not writing here...writing stories, writing things for me to enjoy and not really to share, just for the sake of writing. 

I signed up for one of those write-a-novel-in-a-month things, because I thought it'd be nice to write in a sort of community. Kind of like the blogging community, but with more accountability. 

This, my friends, was a silly thing to do. 

In the last three weeks I've written down some words, and enjoyed it. It's fun to create and process and do something just-because. I'm nowhere near reaching my goal, and I'm ok with it, but something interesting has happened. 

In making writing a Task instead of a Hobby, I've become paralyzed. My words get stuck at my fingertips, my ideas don't flesh out the way I hoped, and I feel pressurepressurepressure. Which is totally the opposite of the point. 

My words have stopped coming easily, taking pictures for this blog has felt like work, and I'm just tired. Tired of trying to create something out of nothing. 

I'm not planning on stopping, because writing is still a Good for me, and it's not something I've come to dislike. I'm just crawling along at a snail's pace, which feels about appropriate considering my energy levels. (How am I more tired this year than last year when I had so much more to do?)

Words have always been my treasure, and for the first time in a long time they feel like harsh masters. I'm going to take my cue from that and slow down, ease back, and try to feel my way through this process instead of fighting tooth and nail to keep up with some imaginary deadlines and accounts. 

What do you do when you feel stuck? Most often I power through, because it's a necessity. But in this, is taking a break the right choice? 

Finding Some Air

I got to go outside for recess today (which doesn't always happen because of timing and life of an aide).



It was glorious outside. A last few rays of warm sunshine on my back and gorgeous fall leaves.



Tonight I came home, put on my hoodie, and curled up on the couch. I haven't moved since, except to make a quick tomato soup and some cheesy toast.



It's not that I've been so busy, I don't have a good excuse. I'm just spending time thinking of things besides this blog lately. I'm not giving up, nor am I trying to justify. But there are readers out there (right? You haven't left?) and I didn't want to disappear.


There will be more posts, and there will be pictures and recipes and weekend recaps. But maybe a little slower.



In the meantime, I'll be snuggling with my dog, hanging out with my sister, walking in the last days of fall, eating cheesy toast and ignoring my to-do list. Some air will be nice.

On Being an "Innie"

Enjoy this little musing while I continue to upload and organize vacation photos! (Also, I need to collect the good pictures from our friends with the real camera. Ha.)



This morning a friend posted this article from the Huffington Post on being an introvert. It was not the first article I've seen--in fact, there seems to be an influx of information about the elusive introvert.



Google "introvert" and you'll see definitions, personality quizzes, and articles like the one linked above. Introverts are becoming "cool."



This strikes me as insane.



On my brief hunt of the interwebs for more about introverts, I came across this, which describes my feelings on the sudden surge of introvert popularity very well.



I'm, without a shadow of a doubt, an introvert. I used to be debilitatingly shy; now I just value my quiet time and need some solitude to recharge my batteries.



Now, here's the thing: I'm outgoing and friendly, I love my friends and spend a lot of time with people. I have no problem speaking in front of a large audience, and I'm totally functional at big social events. Heck, we even host a couple of them each year.



But, introvert as ideal? Perish the thought!



See, as the second article points out, there are plenty of upsides to being an extrovert. My extremely extroverted husband and I balance each other out well, and I can totally see the benefits of his natural tendency toward people.



Where I value deep connections and meaningful conversations, I really struggle to make good, lasting friendships because it's very difficult for me to leap that chasm between introducing-myself-to-a-stranger and actually discussing things that are important to me. Dan? He makes friends at the drop of a hat. That small talk is incredibly useful in forging a path from acquaintance to actual friend.



I have no problem talking about my skill set or job qualifications (in fact, I think I interview pretty well) because it's performance me. But once I've got the job? I really hate asking for letters of recommendation or networking my way to a better job. It's that leap from professional to personal that is really difficult for introverts. That doesn't mean that Dan is a cutthroat guy who takes advantage of people in the workplace; quite the contrary. But he's perfectly capable of networking in a very positive way.



And all that quiet time for meditation and reflection is great...until it's the middle of the school year and I don't have two seconds to put together for quiet me time. Or the converse, where all those deep thoughts and solitude during break spiral me downward until I get lost inside my own head. My extroverted husband can settle in for hours of his favorite TV show and not waste a brain cell worrying about that email he sent last week that wasn't worded quite right (alright, that might be because he's a better writer than I am). He can also take endlessly busy days in stride without stressing at all.



All this to say, I'm comfortable with who I am as an introvert. But, it's certainly not the be-all-end-all, and I think there's something inherently twisted in saying that one personality type is "better" or "cooler" than any other. We need all kinds of people to make the world work.



What do you think? Would you call yourself an "innie" or an "outie"? Sometimes I'm jealous of people who are genuinely refreshed by spending time with others! Parties where I don't know anyone are completely exhausting to me.

Four Years of Different

Technically my four-year anniversary to my husband was last week, but I'm been in the throes of last-week-of-school so it didn't get noted on here (although I posted on facebook 'cause, c'mon, nothing is real if it's not on facebook). Anyway, that extra week exposed me to a way better idea than the cheesy Things I've Learned post I was planning to right.

Because, if we're honest, I have way more learning to do than wisdom to share. 

So, thanks to the wonderful and ubiquitous Pioneer Woman, I'm borrowing her idea:

15 Ways Dan and I are Different

(This should be way easier than sharing things I've learned!) 

1. Dan looooves fajitas. 

I do not love fajitas. Something about the seasoning. 

Tacos have become our compromise. 

2. Dan has red hair. 

I have brown hair. 

3. He would prefer to drink beer anytime. 

I go back and forth between beer and wine. 

But neither of us are into mixed drinks. 

4. Dan likes action-packed, intense, real-world movies and TV shows. 

I like goofy, dumb sitcoms that let me pretend I'm someone else for a little while. 

(Preferably someone who is skinny and stylish and witty.) 

5. He is terrified of children. 

I don't know what to do without kids around. 

6. He likes to build things (he built this contraption to stir yeast for his homebrewing. It was freakin awesome). 

I like to cook things (and, much to his chagrin, have a really hard time making the same thing exactly the same way twice). 

7. Dan does not like sushi. 

I looooove to eat sushi. 

8. He does not care if the apartment is cluttered. 

I cannot breathe or function if I can't see surfaces. 

9. He likes brown. 

I like black or charcoal gray. 

10. Dan loves gadgets and electronics and things to make his life easier. 

I love not having extra stuff and I HATE cords. 

11. Dan likes to sit on the leather couch. 

I like to sit on the upholstered couch. 

Which technically works out fine, unless one of us wants to...you know...sit together. 

12. He loves to be with friends. 

I love to be alone. 

13. He loves ancient Rome and Greece (and knows an astonishing amount about both!). 

I love science, especially biology. 

14. He is good at getting important papers to their proper places on time. 

I am always forgetting where I put stuff and when things are due. 

15. He drinks Dr. Pepper and Coke Zero. 

I drink Sprite and...water. I'm boring. 

But for all that, happy four years, my love! I'm thankful for each of them and love that our differences keep thing interesting. 

As long as I stock Coke Zero for you and you keep your gadgets contained. 

 

Things that Made Me Smile

It was a pretty good week, you guys. Which I'm thankful for, because as the indomitable Jen Hatmaker puts it, "we are limping, limping across the finish line, folks."



I'm tired, the kids are tired, we're kind of just done. But there are seven days to go! So here are a few things that brightened my week.



1. Going to see Singin' in the Rain with my sister and buddy Chris. A mom-and-pop movie theatre that we frequent is doing a series called Hollywood Summer Nights, playing tons of old-school classics on the cheap. We're going to be partaking a lot, and this was a great way to start.

2. Cooler weather. Don't get me wrong, I love summer, but it's almost impossible to function when the temps skyrocket to 95 with about 385740% humidity. Especially in a stuffy classroom with 19 kids and two ancient oscillating fans.



3. A pleasant Lily. Sometimes I realize that, infatuated as I am with this furry little creature that has invaded our lives, she's stuck in toddler phase and can be a real pain in the ass. We're pretty sure she's part Border Collie, so think LOTS of energy, the kind that can only be released by sprinting to chase something that may or may not change directions. Yeah. Intense physical and mental stimulation. We're hoping to get her into agility training at some point.

4. Laughing with my students. Now that we're no longer down to any wires, I try to lighten up and enjoy their goofiness instead of channeling it. They wanna scat along to Beethoven's 5th? Go for it.



5. Chinese food for dinner tonight! Cause seriously, what else does a girl need on a Friday night than some friends and delicious General Tso's?

Source

Yet Another Link

I know I've been doing this a lot lately, but my mind has been full of school. Sometimes I need other people's words to start my own flowing.



I'm new to this blog, but this post gave me goosebumps. A link up itself from one of my favorite bloggers Sarah Bessey, it totally pinpoints the world of youth group that I had.



I grew up in a big, non-denominational church. We had a band on the stage every Sunday, a "cool" pastor who gave real-life sermons that didn't get into theology. We had a youth group of hundreds, tons of retreats and camps and short-term missions trips. I was that child.


And you know what? It worked.



For all the drama, all the emotionalism, all the youth-pastor support and cheesy activities, I had good friends, dedicated adult leaders, and an environment that allowed me to embrace God. Without those things I have no idea what would have happened to me.



I was also blessed enough to visit other churches, make other friends, and have other experiences that drove me into doctrine and theology and deeper questions and answers. I was lucky enough (how could that even be the right word?) to have good teachers and books when I was questioning my faith and doubting these truths.



So, to youth leaders, youths, and college kids--embrace these sometimes-corny, oft-derided youth group experiences. They just may be what anchors you in the truth of the gospel, be exactly what you need to keep from dipping toes into the pool of evil that is just waiting for the right moment.



Thanks to be God for all of his ways of reaching us, of holding us, of drawing us to himself. Cheesy worship songs, catechisms, weekend missions trips--as long as it points you to Christ, to the truth that God offers us grace and love and salvation--it can all be effective for him.

Quiet in the Night

I've written before about how meditative and relaxing cooking can be for me.



Especially when it's a familiar recipe or comforting meal, I find the process of purposefully not rushing through meal prep particularly soothing.

It's the simplicity of mindless tasks,

The combination of the simplest ingredients,

And the knowledge that all of these easy ingredients will come together into a delicious, nourishing meal for myself and people I love.

There's this cute little spice shop in Chestnut Hill called Penzeys, and it sells very high quality, very expensive stuff. They have a great slogan, one that I totally identify with:

I have this sticker hanging in my kitchen, and my class gave me a Penzeys starter kit that included a tea towel with this slogan. I'm so pleased to have this cropping up in my life, because cooking can be a worship for me, and I'm always glad for the opportunity to serve others with cooking and hospitality.


So, if you ever want some love, give me a call and join me for some probably simple, unembellished, but tasty food and companionship.

An Ode to the Strays

Ode to the Strays

Single

Unmatched

Unloved

Hiding in the bottom of my laundry hamper. 

One striped

One plain

One with a weird little collar

Hiding in the bottom of my laundry hamper. 

Haunting me

Taunting me

Hiding in the bottom of my laundry hamper. 

Little gremlins, awaiting me

Each time I fold a clean load

Gold toes

Plain toes

Hiding in the bottom of my laundry hamper. 

Eyeless, glaring at me

Handless, reaching to find a mate

Earless, to hear my cry of despair

Hiding in the bottom of my laundry hamper. 

Haunting me

Taunting me

Hiding in the bottom of my laundry hamper. 

Where are their loved ones? 

Where are their matches? 

Eaten by my dryer

Leaving them alone

Hiding in the bottom of my laundry hamper.