Wednesday, July 17, 2013

6 Things I Learned from Indiana Jones

My friends, you know I'm kind of a nerd.

So it probably shouldn't surprise you that when Ambler Theater offered Indiana Jones: The Raiders of the Lost Ark, I jumped at the chance to see a Harrison Ford in his prime leaping heroically across the big screen.

I've seen this movie many times before, and I'll take Indy over James Bond or any other nonsense heroes any day. However, in this particular viewing, I learned several things from this archeologically driven stud.

1.) Doesn't matter how heavy that rock/statue/piece of wall is. A little grunting and a moment of perseverance, and you'll break through.

2.) Machine guns (automatic weapons) are waaay more effective in the hands of the good guys. Seriously, those Nazis are so disciplined in everything else, why can't they hit a target point-blank?

3.) Fair maidens can fall quite a distance, hit an ancient statue on the way down, and still be up and fighting within 10 seconds, bruises nonexistent. In the same vein, apparently Indy doesn't suffer from what we mere mortals would find the morning after a nasty beating and being dragged behind a truck going roughly 45 mph: basic muscle stiffness and soreness. Promptly swim a hundred yards through the ocean and climb aboard a submarine (that for some reason doesn't actually submerge)? No problem!

4.) God takes many shapes, including some unearthly banshee that transforms into a face-melting skull.

5.) The U.S. government is hiding billions of artifacts that would lead to world domination (I can only imagine) in wooden boxes. Somewhere under the White House. (?) (? = utter confusion. This is an action movie, not a conspiracy theory!)

6.) Snakes are the worst. Especially en masse.
(I actually like snakes, and yet the writhing mass always elicits a shudder.)

I'll save you!

Did you grow up with Indiana Jones, or another hero? Is there a particular theme song that makes you grin no matter what?